Adult Children of Aging Parents - Part One

 Part One: Be Prepared

It is one of life’s inevitable realities; if you are a baby boomer with aging parents, you will likely be involved with helping your Mom or Dad with activities of daily living, health issues, financial issues and more.   My own parents are in their eighties and live far away from all of their adult children.  There is no extended family support system for them at their local level and so when challenges arise, my siblings and I are responsible for supporting them from afar.  We have learned that it is best to have a well thought out plan that we can rely on when Mom or Dad need our support.   Following is the first in a series of tips that are designed to help you, the adult children of aging parents, develop a plan of your own.

What Your Parents Want

If your aging parents live close by or far away, the first step in the plan in helping  your aging parents is to develop a clear understanding of what THEY want.  Have they made their wishes clear regarding how they want to be cared for as they age or if their health declines?  This discussion needs to happen openly and often.  For some families this might be a difficult discussion because it can be wrought with emotional landmines for both the parents and the adult children.  But I can’t stress enough the importance of this first step.  Everyone involved needs to understand and agree to abide by the aging parent’s wishes.  They have earned the right to decide how they want to be cared for in their old age.  Depending on health issues, the parent’s needs may change and so may their wishes. It is important that the adult children keep their parent’s care plan updated as often as necessary. 

Part One Actions

Here are some actions you can take for this part of the plan:

• Prepare an outline of topics that you and your siblings or other support people want to discuss with your parents.  Don’t feel like you have to cover everything all at once.  You might start off with understanding your parent’s wishes.  There are many tools available for getting this discussion started such as a durable power of attorney for health care or a Five Wishes document.   You can download the Five Wishes document here: http://www.agingwithdignity.org/forms/5wishes.pdf .
• Set up a time for you and your siblings to meet with your parents, specifically for the purpose of discussing your parent’s wishes.  If you all live far apart from each other, you might consider doing a conference call or Skype session.
• Prepare to document, copy and distribute the discussion to all involved.
• Agree with all that there might be more to discuss at another time and set up another meeting that is convenient for all to attend.

Need More Help?

I hope you found Part One of ADULT CHILDREN CARING FOR AGING PARENTS helpful and that you will come back to read Part Two to be published soon.

Family Matters In Home Care, Inc. serves those who wish to be cared for in the comfort of their own home.  Serving within a 50 miles radius of Grand Rapids, we are here to help you develop a solid plan to care for your aging loved one.