Adaptability

The older we get, the more resistant we become to change, and the more fragile we feel our connection is to the world at large. Thankfully, humans are very adaptable. We have, as a species, adapted to every environment on the planet. Sure, some folks move, some winter in Florida and adapt to a new habitat.

Adapting to one’s physical environment is easy. Anyone can buy a coat, or air conditioner. But the real world, that world at large, is changing in so many ways. Technologically, how do we adapt to that?

The best answer is financially. I am writing this on my Macbook Pro. Sprawled out across the table are my iPhone, iPad, iPod, and remote that connects to my Apple TV. I sense you rolling your eyes at this, thinking, “Oh she’s one of those people.”

Yes, yes I am, and you should be too. Because adapting to this new technology has made life more efficient, less expensive. I don’t want to learn all that new-fangled technology. It once took me two weeks to figure out why the cable box stopped working; I had inadvertently changed the channel on the television. My kids thought me foolish.

Sure, Mac products are more expensive up-front, it’s an investment. My computer acts as the central hub to which everything else connects. It can perform all of the actions the other devices do, except telephone (and it probably can do that too, I just haven’t’ figured out how yet).

I awaken to my iPhone alarm, so I don’t own an alarm clock (starting at about $8.00). Text, and voicemail go to one place, so there is no reason to have a house phone, a savings of $840 annually. All of my apple products are able to use an application called FaceTime; it works like Skype, except I am not dependent upon my computer to make it work. I can be out and about and it will ring to all of my devices. In addition to this, my cell phone replaces a calculator ($10-150), day planner ($6-200), watch ($10 and up), stopwatch, camera ($50 and up), not to mention notebooks (ToDo list), dictionary, flashlight, GPS, music player, I don’t even carry photos of my kids or grand kids anymore, my phone has a photo album. And it all fits in the palm of my hand. It can also double as a Kindle reader and an Internet device checking email and going on Facebook (but the print is really, really small). I have very little need to purchase batteries or paper anymore, saving me untold money, time, and aggravation (because flashlight batteries are always dead when the power goes out). It is not only cost efficient, but environmentally friendly. An iPad also does all of the above, without the worry of tiny print. In fact, I do the majority of my reading on my iPad, because I can adjust the size of the print as my eyes get tired. Instead of a purse full of paper, books, and gadgets, I have my wallet, iPhone, and iPad. It’s lighter, easier on my back.

The Apple TV replaces the need for cable or satellite, or even a DVD player (upgrading to the next generation machine, a Blu-Ray, will cost about $100). The Apple TV remote has three buttons. Three. Through this device, Netflix, You Tube, iTunes, and a host of other video services can be streamed, including most major league sports (for an additional subscription fee). My satellite bill was $150 a month, without movie channels like HBO or Showtime. With the Apple TV, I pay $7.99 for Nexflix, Hulu Plus offers current programming for an additional $7.99 per month, the MLB, NBA, and NHL can be added for about $20.00 per month (during the season). The average Internet bill is about $45.00 monthly. This one little gadget, with its handy 3-button remote, reduces my entertainment costs by $70.00 monthly, that’s $828 annually.

Between these two or three devices, after an initial investment, you can save $1668 annually, and that more than pays for them!

How will you learn to use this new-fangled technology you ask? Well, the local Apple store will teach you, that’s how. Apple offers one on one sessions and group workshops to customers.

There are other choices for all of the above technology: Android and Windows phones and tablets. A Roku is a device similar to the Apple TV. I chose all apple products for simplicity sake, I don’t want to learn an Android phone, a Windows PC, and a Roko TV; with my Apple products, the operating system is the same across devices. All apple devices will also connect to Windows machines with iTunes installed.

So make that move, adapt.

Mel Jones teaches and writes in Richmond Virginia. Mel’s publications include, a book of poetry, Between the Lines (2005), and essays in The William & Mary Gallery, Sherwood Forest, and online at Little Seal, r.k.vr.y., and Spaces. She maintains a sometimes snarky blog, Mel’s Madness, which is more Bombeck than Shakespeare. She has MAs in Rhetoric, and Literature from VCU, and an MFA from Antioch University, Los Angeles. 

"Worth A Thousand Words"

A Picture Is Worth A Thousand Words

That old adage; "A picture is worth a thousand words", is so true.  Especially when it comes to video chatting with my Mom and Dad.

Earlier this week I talked about my techie 82 year old Mom setting up a Skype account so we could stay in better contact with each other.  It was great to see her.  She suffered a minor stroke a few years ago that left her with some problems with her speech.  This aphasia makes it difficult to understand some of her words when we talk on the phone.  With the video chat, I can see the expression on her face, I can read her lips and I can watch her reactions to what I am saying.  Our video visit was far less frustrating than our regular phone calls and far more comforting to me be able to actually see that she was o.k.  It was also great to see my Dad (86) in the background.  He is a funny guy and we got to joke around a bit until he got restless and left to tend to his yard.

Technical Difficulties?

One aspect of the video chat option that I sort of glossed over earlier this week was the whole set up on my Mom's end.  She has been using a computer for at least the last twenty years and she has an unquenchable curiosity when it comes to technology.  And yet, she did have a bit of trouble with downloading and understanding the Skype account.  She and I worked on it together over the phone but one of the challenges is that she had upgraded to Windows 8, I am still on Windows 7, and we were not looking at the same things on our respective computers.  Well, Mom did her research and figured it out on her own.  Someone less technically inclined would probably have quite a bit of trouble with it.

This should not discourage anyone.  Skype works well for my family, but there are lots of different programs out there like FaceTime (Apple) and TinyChat (web-based). I recently found another video chat program called FireChat.  I'm doing some research on it and will let you know what I find in a later post.

Coming Soon

While we are on the topic of technology, later this month my friend Mel Walsh Jones will join me as a guest blogger from time to time.  Look for her first post soon where she will discuss the many financial benefits available to you and your aging parents when you adapt to new technology.

"I See You!"

Parents Live Far Away

You might have noticed that a main theme in the Family Matters Baby Boomer Blog is the focus on the  need for consistent, open and honest communication when helping your aging parents. This can be challenging enough in the best circumstance but when you and other family members live far away from each other, it can seem downright overwhelming.  One solution is to take advantage of the technology widely available to all of us today; video chat.

Scattered Family

The winds of time have scattered my family all over the place.  My younger sister is in the prime of her career, working long hours and living on the central coast of California.  My older brother, a truck driver looking forward to retirement in a few years, lives in Northern California near the Nevada border.  I am the co-owner of an in home care agency in Grand Rapids, Michigan.  My Mom (83) and Dad (86) are enjoying their golden years in the warmth of the Florida sun.

The Video Chat Solution

We are all busy with our daily lives,children, jobs, and obligations.  It is quite the challenge to get us all together in one place, at the same time.  In fact, we haven't been successful in doing so for more years than I care to say.  This is why I was so thrilled with my Mom's idea.  It was a subtle little hint in the form of a question she posed while we were talking on the phone one day.  "Do you have Skype?"  Well, having grown up in the technology age, of course I do! It turns out that my techie Mom had a Skype account too, but just did not know how to use it.  Working together, with a couple of phone discussions, screen shots and emails back and forth, she figured it out. I was delighted on Sunday morning when my computer phone rang and when I picked up the video call she exclaimed, "I see you!"

Come back later this week when you can read more about keeping those lines of communication open with your aging parents. I will provide you with some easy to use tips and guidelines for setting up and using video chat to "see" and keep in touch with each other.




 

A Valentine K.I.S.S. (plus an extra "S") For You

Most of the Baby Boomers in the Grand Rapids, MI area are familiar with a popular televsion ad for Kay's Jewelers with the catchy musical tag line;  "every kiss begins with K..."

There is no limit to the amount of information and education available to you if you are assisting your aging parent who exhibits signs of dimentia brought on by Alzheimer's disease or senility as a normal part of aging. In fact, all the information can seem very overwhelming and you might find yourself lost as you search for ways to help your parents.  

Take a deep breath my fellow baby boomers and just remember this; every kiss starts with  "K" and ends with "S".


Here is a Valentine K.I.S.S. (S) for you!


Keep It Short, Simple and Stimulating

Adult Children of Aging Parents - Part Three

What Your Parents Need - (Continued)

My Mom (age 82) and Dad (age 85) have made it very clear to me and my siblings that they do not want to go into a nursing home or even an assisted living community.  They want to stay at home!  We have talked about this a lot in the past few years.  Luckily for us (for now), they are in pretty decent health and need only minor assistance in the home.   We recognize that this might change at some point in the future and we are setting up a plan in advance to address their wants versus their needs should we be faced with the challenges of declining health.

My Parents Want to Stay at Home –But They Need Help 

In the first two parts of this series; ADULT CHILDREN OF AGING PARENTS, we talked about determining the aging parents’ current situation, opening up and maintaining a dialogue with our parents, the challenges of discussing private information with the Silent Generation, and we set out some important questions designed to start this important dialogue.  Armed with the answers to these and other questions, it is time to take the conversation to the next level. 

These are just a few of the many needs to be met if your parents want to stay at home.   This is especially true if they experience a decline in either physical or mental health.   

·         a safe, secure and clean home environment

·         nutritious meals

·         exercise

·         regular doctor visits, physical therapy visits

·         stimulating social and/or activity engagements

·         if there is a pet in the home, they might need help caring for it

·         if only one parent is left at home, he or she will need companionship

·         if they suffer from arthritis they will need help with activities of daily living such as personal hygiene, housekeeping, dressing, bathing, etc.

·         if they are no longer able to drive-they will need transportation or at least someone to run errands for them

·         if they have a chronic disease, (asthma, bronchitis, COPD, arthritis, cancer, diabetes, HIV/AIDS) they may need to have their condition monitored on a regular basis

·         if they are afflicted with dementia or Alzheimer’s disease they will need reminders

What's Next?

Everybody needs something! As baby boomers we are part of the "sandwhich generation".  We have our own children, most now young adults, that we are trying to assist.  We might have our own health issues to deal with as we start to age. We have our own households to manage, and now we have our parents concerns to manage as well.   It can all seem very overwhelming but know that you are not alone in this as the baby boomer generation is the largest generation in history. We have a lot of support from within the family, from our friends, from the community in which we live, or from the big wide world.  You can contribute to the discussion and the solutions by becoming a voice of the baby boomer generation.  Let me know your stories, your thoughts, your opinons about taking care of aging parents by leaving your comments here.  Lets keep the dialogue open and keep it going.

In Part Four of this series; Adult Children of Aging Parents, we will start to take a closer look each of the above needs and talk about ways to help your aging parents maintain their independence in the comfort of their own home. 

About Us

Jan Casella is an expert author and the co-founder and President of Family Matters In Home Care, Inc. in Grand Rapids, MI. 

Family Matters In Home Care, Inc. serves those who wish to be cared for in the comfort of their own home.  Serving within a 50 miles radius of Grand Rapids, we are here to help you develop a solid plan to care for your aging loved one.

Funny Friday - Sisters will love this one...

Three Absent-Minded Sisters 

Three sisters, aged 81, 83 and 85, live together. One night the 85 year old draws a bath for herself. As she sticks her foot in, she pauses. She yells to her sisters downstairs, "Was I getting in or out of the bath?"

The 83 year old shouts back loudly, "I don't know. Let me come up there and see." She begins walking up the stairs, but then pauses . She yells to her sisters "Was I going up the stairs or down?"

The 81 year old is sitting in the living room, enjoying some tea. She listens to her sisters, shakes her head and mutters to herself, "I sure hope I never get that forgetful. Knock on wood."

She then turns and shouts, "I'll come up there and help both of you as soon as I see who's knocking at the door."

Adult Children of Aging Parents - Part Two

What Your Parents Need & Getting Them to Talk

My Mom and Dad were born in the years between 1926 and 1945. This makes them part of the “Silent Generation”. Their lives were shaped by the great depression of 1927 and World War II. Scarcity of food, money and resources was the framework of their formative years.  This framework was the hallmark of a generation of self-sufficient, resourceful, and uncomplaining people. They didn’t see much need to talk about their lot in life. Rather they preferred to improve their situation with action. They put their heads down, worked hard and became the birth parents of the Baby Boomer generation.  While we baby boomers learned this great work ethic from our parents, we might be flummoxed by their reticence to discuss their personal finances, their health issues, or even their wishes for care.

As we discussed in part one of this series, it is very important to find out what our parents want in regard to their care.  I gave you a few tips about how to open up that dialogue and how critical it is to maintain an open flow of communication with your parents.   In Part Two of this series;   Adult Children of Aging Parents, you will find more tips and guidance about how to get your parents from the Silent Generation to talk about what they need.

Part Two Actions

In Part One I advised you to prepare an outline of topics that you want to discuss with your parents.  Here are some important questions to help you get started with those topics:

• What is the current state of your aging parent’s health? 
• Do they suffer from any chronic illnesses that might worsen as they get older? 
• What is the current state of their home?  Is it cleaned and maintained regularly?  Is it safe from trip and fall hazards? Is it secure?  
• Do you have the names and phone numbers for their primary physician and other health professionals?
• If you and all your siblings and other family members live far away from your parents, do you know their friends or neighbors that live nearby?  At the very least, do you have contact information for these people? 
• Do your parents have health directives in place and do you have copies?

You Are Not Alone

If you find yourself struggling with getting your parents to open up about what they need, take comfort in the fact that you are not alone.  If you are part of the baby boomer generation, it is likely that you grew up in a household where these types of matters were private.  It is not called the Silent Generation without reason!  I hope you are finding this series of ADULT CHILDREN OF AGING PARENTS helpful.   If you have comments or questions, you are probably not the only baby boomer out there who has the same ones.  Help be the voice of our generation, help your fellow baby boomers by leaving comments, questions or requests for more information here.   I will cover them all in future posts.

About Us

Jan Casella is an expert author and the co-founder and President of Family Matters In Home Care, Inc.

Family Matters In Home Care, Inc. serves those who wish to be cared for in the comfort of their own home.  Serving within a 50 miles radius of Grand Rapids, we are here to help you develop a solid plan to care for your aging loved one.

Caution! Continued from yesterday

As mentioned yesterday, you might be tempted to hire a caregiver directly.  I can gaurantee that you will pay less per hour on care at home for your loved one.  But you need to be aware of other costs.  Some of these might hit your pocket book and others can drain your time, create frustration, put you at risk for loss, and

Do You REALLY Know Who You Are Hiring? 

One way to get to know the applicant is to ask lots of open ended questions about experience, skills, qualifiations, interests, etc.  Most applicants are skilled in providing all the right answers.  Unless you are uniquely qualified and experienced with interviewing, screening and evaluating potential employees, even if you have all the right questions and answers, you may end up hiring the wrong person.

Reputable home care agencies will only interview candidates who are first screened with thorough reference checks, verification of prior employment and verification of certifications and education.  A good home care agency will also conduct a a criminal background check and driver's license record check prior to hiring a caregiver for you. Hiring only those caregivers who pass these rigorous screenings and checks will protect you from the risk of loss of property or worse, harm to you or your loved one.

Last but not least, you do not want to unintentionally break the law by hiring someone who is not authorized to work in the United States. A trustworthy home care agency will know which documents are required (and will keep up with changing requirements) necessary to verify identity.  They will also know how to file the proper paperwork so that you can rest assured you have a legal worker in the home.

Aging Never Stops - Neither Should Caregiver Education!

Each stage of the aging process presents the caregiver with new challenges such as incontinence, difficulty with ambulation, refusing to eat, depression, dementia, loss of interest, etc.  Your loved one could experience unneccessary discomfort if the caregiver you hire directly does not have access to ongoing education about the aging process.  The best home care agencies have established, required, and ongoing training programs for the caregivers they hire.  The agency insures that the caregivers have the time and all the resources they need to complete the training.  Through these training programs, the caregivers gain skills along with a great sense of achievement as they complete each course.  This translates into happy, confident and compassionate caregivers for you.

Surprise! Life is a Juggling Act 

It is important to remember that the caregiver you hire has a life outside of the work life. Carefully consider a plan to cover your loved one's care in the event that the caregiver you hire comes down with the flu, has a sick child, has to leave town for a family emergency or needs a vacation.  Will you have a back up caregiver waiting in the wings?  Will you take time off work to take care of your loved one?  A responsible home care agency has a large enough staff to provide coverage when life's unexpected surprises spring up.  You can rest easy knowing that every client's case is professionally managed and supervised by a good home care agency.

Do You Know What You Don't Know? 

If you are an experienced expert in caring for seniors, then you know what you need to know.  If not, you don't.  This means, you might not be fully aware of your loved one's needs for proper care.Being unaware of what you need to know could put your loved's health, safety or security at risk or you might employ a caregiver for more than what you need and overpay for unnecessary services.  Home care agencies are experienced in developing appropropriate care plans specifically customized to meet your needs and exceed your expectations without costing you more.

Everyone's Favorite Topics: Insurance and Taxes (Ugh)

If you hire someone directly, you need to be aware of and make sure you are insured for certain risks in or around the home. You might have risks for property damage or theft. Or worse, you could be liable for injury to a caregiver in your home. Also, if you employ a private caregiver, you might have to withhold and report state, federal taxes and you could possibly be liable for unemployment claims.

If you do hire a caregiver directly, you should consult with a tax consultant, an attorney and an insurance agent. If you don't want to deal with these headaches, you should look for a reputable agency that has professional and liability insurance and who will take care of all the payroll and taxes for the caregiver that is assigned to your home.

Can We Afford Care At Home

We Know We Need It, Can We Afford Care At Home?

This is a big question, especially in these tough economic times. You know your aging loved one needs help with activities of daily living, ambulation, medication reminders, light housekeeping, or transportation to appointments or social engagements.  You know it is important for their safety and security that your elderly parents have good quality care.  You know there are lots of choices for obtaining the care they need. But can you afford it? Consider the following information from MetLife's 2012 Market Survey of Long Term Care Costs. With this information you can make the most informed choice about caring for your loved one.

The Cost of Long Term Care - National Averages

Nursing Home

The national average daily rate for a private room in a nursing home is $248, while a semi-private room is $222 up from $239 and $214 respectively in 2011.

Assisted Living Community

The national average monthly base rate in an assisted living community rose from $3,477 in 2011 to $3,550 in 2012.

Adult Day Care

The national average daily rate for adult day services remained unchanged from 2011 at $70 in 2012.

Care At Home

The national average: hourly rates for home health aides ($21) remained unchanged, while the homemaker hourly rate increased by 5.3% from $19 in 2011 to $20 in 2012.

Caution! Avoid the Temptation

Given the costs shown above, you might be tempted to place an ad and directly hire a caregiver.Who could blame you? Times are tough and the cost of services from a reputable at home agency may seem out of reach.  Before you do, you need to be aware of the possible hidden costs of trying to cut corners when it comes to care at home for your loved one.  Tomorrow's blog post will explain in detail why you should avoid the temptation of directly hiring a caregiver rather than hiring a reputable in home care agency to care for your aging loved one. 

Adult Children of Aging Parents - Part One

 Part One: Be Prepared

It is one of life’s inevitable realities; if you are a baby boomer with aging parents, you will likely be involved with helping your Mom or Dad with activities of daily living, health issues, financial issues and more.   My own parents are in their eighties and live far away from all of their adult children.  There is no extended family support system for them at their local level and so when challenges arise, my siblings and I are responsible for supporting them from afar.  We have learned that it is best to have a well thought out plan that we can rely on when Mom or Dad need our support.   Following is the first in a series of tips that are designed to help you, the adult children of aging parents, develop a plan of your own.

What Your Parents Want

If your aging parents live close by or far away, the first step in the plan in helping  your aging parents is to develop a clear understanding of what THEY want.  Have they made their wishes clear regarding how they want to be cared for as they age or if their health declines?  This discussion needs to happen openly and often.  For some families this might be a difficult discussion because it can be wrought with emotional landmines for both the parents and the adult children.  But I can’t stress enough the importance of this first step.  Everyone involved needs to understand and agree to abide by the aging parent’s wishes.  They have earned the right to decide how they want to be cared for in their old age.  Depending on health issues, the parent’s needs may change and so may their wishes. It is important that the adult children keep their parent’s care plan updated as often as necessary. 

Part One Actions

Here are some actions you can take for this part of the plan:

• Prepare an outline of topics that you and your siblings or other support people want to discuss with your parents.  Don’t feel like you have to cover everything all at once.  You might start off with understanding your parent’s wishes.  There are many tools available for getting this discussion started such as a durable power of attorney for health care or a Five Wishes document.   You can download the Five Wishes document here: http://www.agingwithdignity.org/forms/5wishes.pdf .
• Set up a time for you and your siblings to meet with your parents, specifically for the purpose of discussing your parent’s wishes.  If you all live far apart from each other, you might consider doing a conference call or Skype session.
• Prepare to document, copy and distribute the discussion to all involved.
• Agree with all that there might be more to discuss at another time and set up another meeting that is convenient for all to attend.

Need More Help?

I hope you found Part One of ADULT CHILDREN CARING FOR AGING PARENTS helpful and that you will come back to read Part Two to be published soon.

Family Matters In Home Care, Inc. serves those who wish to be cared for in the comfort of their own home.  Serving within a 50 miles radius of Grand Rapids, we are here to help you develop a solid plan to care for your aging loved one.  

Just Wait A Minute!

There is a popular saying here in Michigan: "Don't like the weather? Just wait a minute!

Severe Weather-Caring for Seniors Living At Home

While we can always find humor in any situation, winter weather for seniors in Western Michigan can present   plenty of challenges.  If an elderly parent lives at home alone make sure their pantry is well stocked with easy to open and ready to eat foods, snacks and bottled water. Pipes might freeze and break or it might be days before they can get out to the grocery store or the power might be interuppted.  Be prepared for power outages and make sure the senior's home has plenty of warm blankets and flashlights with good batteries. Also, arrange for someone to check in on them if you can't do it yourself.