The Ugly Truth About Elder Abuse

I am very lucky and blessed to have been brought up by loving parents who believed that marriage and raising a family is a life-long comittment.  When it is their turn to be cared for, my sister, brother and I know that this is just the natural progression of life and we are happy to have the opportunity to provide them with what they need.

Some of our Baby Boomer friends have a much different experience with their aging parents. One or both parents are abusive, have been or are continuing to be abused. Emotional, physical, sexual abuse and neglect are hard realities of life that we don't like to think about or talk about.  But letting these topics lie dormant can only hurt more.

Below is a sampling of findings that show what is known about the incidence and prevalence of elder abuse and neglect from the National Center on Elder Abuse:

• The most recent major studies on incidence reported that 7.6%–10% of study participants experienced abuse in the prior year. (6,7) The study that found an incidence of 1 in 10 adults experiencing abuse did not include financial abuse.(8)
• Available data from state Adult Protective Services (APS) agencies show an increasing trend in the reporting of elder abuse.
• Despite the accessibility of APS in all 50 states (whose programs are quite different), as well as mandatory reporting laws for elder abuse in most states, an overwhelming number of cases of abuse, neglect, and exploitation go undetected and untreated each year.
• One study estimated that only 1 in 14 cases of elder abuse ever comes to the attention of authorities.(9) The New York State Elder Abuse Prevalence Study found that for every case known to programs and agencies, 24 were unknown.(10)
• Major financial exploitation was self-reported at a rate of 41 per 1,000 surveyed, which was higher than self-reported rates of emotional, physical, and sexual abuse or neglect. (10)

In future posts, I will take a closer look at the various types of abuse, who is perpetrating elder abuse, why and how it occurs and provide our readers with resources for getting help with or the prevention of elder abuse.  As I mentioned above, these are not pleasant discussions but I feel a sense of duty to expose these truths and to educate others in order to make a difference in the lives of aging parents who have been put in our care.  In the meantime, if you know or suspect elder abuse in any form, you can call 1-800-996-6228. (Michigan)

Family Matters Is Doing the Most Important Work For Your Most Important People

⁶Lifespan of Greater Rochester, Inc., Weill Cornell Medical Center of Cornell University. & New York City Department for the Aging. (2011) Under the Radar: New York State Elder Abuse Prevalence Study. New York: Author.
⁷Acierno R, Hernandez MA, Amstadter AB, Resnick HS, Steve K, Muzzy W, et al. (2010). Prevalence and correlates of emotional, physical, sexual, and financial abuse and potential neglect in the United States: The national elder mistreatment study. American Journal of Public, 100(2), 292-297.
⁸Teaster PB, Dugar T, Mendiondo M, Abner EL, Cecil KA, & Otto JM. (2004). The 2004 survey of adult protective services: Abuse of adults 60 years of age and older. Washington DC: National Center on Elder Abuse.
⁹National Research Council. (2003) Elder mistreatment: Abuse, neglect and exploitation in an aging America. Washington, D.C.: The National Academies Press.
¹⁰Lifespan of Greater Rochester, Inc., Weill Cornell Medical Center of Cornell University. & New York City Department for the Aging. (2011) Under the Radar: New York State Elder Abuse Prevalence Study. New York: Author.

Nothing Like a Good Night of Sleep

Sleep Well

This article from caring.com provides five practical tips for helping our aging loved ones get better, more restorative sleep. 

As we age, the architecture of our sleep changes dramatically. The deep, delectable sleep in which we're oblivious to the outside world and its sounds, called slow wave sleep, becomes shorter and more elusive. Our total sleep time also declines. Infants sleep an average of 11.6 hours per night, but by the time we hit 70, our nighttime sleep has shrunk by nearly half, to an average of 6.6 hours....Read More Here

Act F.A.S.T to Save A Brain!

If you think your loved one may have had a stroke, or may be having a stroke, act F.A.S.T.:

Face: Ask your loved one to smile. See if one side of her/his mouth droops.

Arms: Ask your loved one to close her/his eyes and raise both arms. See if one of his arms drifts downward.

Speech: Check for slurred or strange speech. Ask your loved one to repeat a simple sentence like, "The flowers look pretty today"

Time to call 9-1-1 and save the brain if any of the above (Face, Arms or Speech) do not check out!  

Act F.A.S.T. Video

We Support the American Legion in Grand Rapids, MI

Operation Comfort Warriors

There are thousands of Veteran’s organizations across the country that demonstrate their support for our nation’s heroes in a variety of ways.  One of these is the American Legion and their program known as Operation Comfort Warriors or OCW.  According to the American Legion, “Operation Comfort Warriors is a program dedicated to meeting the needs of wounded, injured or ill military personnel by providing them with comfort items not usually supplied by the government.”  Items such as books, calling cards, sweat suits, DVD’s, electronic devices and more are provided to America’s brave warriors to help them transition from battle to home

Local American Legion posts all across the country hold fundraisers such as fish fries, Karaoke events, motorcycle runs, Bingo events and more to help support the OCW.  

Want to Help?

The American Legion in your area has made it easy for you to help! You can get involved and help support this important non-profit program by attending a local fundraiser or donating directly through the American Legion website: Operation Comfort Warriors 

For more information, check out the publications found here:  OCW Publications

Avoiding the Nursing Home!

Although many nursing homes today offer wonderful care, most of us would prefer to live out our lives in the comfort of home.

For any number of reasons, though -- from physical or mental health issues to dwindling finances -- staying at home doesn't always seem possible. If someone close to you appears to be headed for a nursing home, there are alternatives that can -- sometimes indefinitely -- forestall the need for such a move.

See more here: Avoid Nursing Home

How To Reduce Costs Of Caring For Your Aging Parents

In an earlier post (Can We Afford Care At Home) we talked about the costs of care for our elderly and aging population.  Here is a brief recap of those costs (national averages):

Nursing Home

The national average daily rate for a private room in a nursing home is $248, while a semi-private room is $222 up from $239 and $214 respectively in 2011.

Assisted Living Community

The national average monthly base rate in an assisted living community rose from $3,477 in 2011 to $3,550 in 2012.

Adult Day Care

The national average daily rate for adult day services remained unchanged from 2011 at $70 in 2012.

Care At Home

The national average: hourly rates for home health aides ($21) remained unchanged, while the homemaker hourly rate increased by 5.3% from $19 in 2011 to $20 in 2012.

You are probably not surprised to see that NONE OF THE COSTS are DECREASING!  And, you are probably wondering about the best way for you or your aging parents to reduce the cost of care.

One of the best ways to mitigate these costs is to only pay for what you need!  In-home care for aging parents is the best care option because it gives you the most choice in how many hours of service they need and it is usually the most economical service available in your area.

Adaptability

The older we get, the more resistant we become to change, and the more fragile we feel our connection is to the world at large. Thankfully, humans are very adaptable. We have, as a species, adapted to every environment on the planet. Sure, some folks move, some winter in Florida and adapt to a new habitat.

Adapting to one’s physical environment is easy. Anyone can buy a coat, or air conditioner. But the real world, that world at large, is changing in so many ways. Technologically, how do we adapt to that?

The best answer is financially. I am writing this on my Macbook Pro. Sprawled out across the table are my iPhone, iPad, iPod, and remote that connects to my Apple TV. I sense you rolling your eyes at this, thinking, “Oh she’s one of those people.”

Yes, yes I am, and you should be too. Because adapting to this new technology has made life more efficient, less expensive. I don’t want to learn all that new-fangled technology. It once took me two weeks to figure out why the cable box stopped working; I had inadvertently changed the channel on the television. My kids thought me foolish.

Sure, Mac products are more expensive up-front, it’s an investment. My computer acts as the central hub to which everything else connects. It can perform all of the actions the other devices do, except telephone (and it probably can do that too, I just haven’t’ figured out how yet).

I awaken to my iPhone alarm, so I don’t own an alarm clock (starting at about $8.00). Text, and voicemail go to one place, so there is no reason to have a house phone, a savings of $840 annually. All of my apple products are able to use an application called FaceTime; it works like Skype, except I am not dependent upon my computer to make it work. I can be out and about and it will ring to all of my devices. In addition to this, my cell phone replaces a calculator ($10-150), day planner ($6-200), watch ($10 and up), stopwatch, camera ($50 and up), not to mention notebooks (ToDo list), dictionary, flashlight, GPS, music player, I don’t even carry photos of my kids or grand kids anymore, my phone has a photo album. And it all fits in the palm of my hand. It can also double as a Kindle reader and an Internet device checking email and going on Facebook (but the print is really, really small). I have very little need to purchase batteries or paper anymore, saving me untold money, time, and aggravation (because flashlight batteries are always dead when the power goes out). It is not only cost efficient, but environmentally friendly. An iPad also does all of the above, without the worry of tiny print. In fact, I do the majority of my reading on my iPad, because I can adjust the size of the print as my eyes get tired. Instead of a purse full of paper, books, and gadgets, I have my wallet, iPhone, and iPad. It’s lighter, easier on my back.

The Apple TV replaces the need for cable or satellite, or even a DVD player (upgrading to the next generation machine, a Blu-Ray, will cost about $100). The Apple TV remote has three buttons. Three. Through this device, Netflix, You Tube, iTunes, and a host of other video services can be streamed, including most major league sports (for an additional subscription fee). My satellite bill was $150 a month, without movie channels like HBO or Showtime. With the Apple TV, I pay $7.99 for Nexflix, Hulu Plus offers current programming for an additional $7.99 per month, the MLB, NBA, and NHL can be added for about $20.00 per month (during the season). The average Internet bill is about $45.00 monthly. This one little gadget, with its handy 3-button remote, reduces my entertainment costs by $70.00 monthly, that’s $828 annually.

Between these two or three devices, after an initial investment, you can save $1668 annually, and that more than pays for them!

How will you learn to use this new-fangled technology you ask? Well, the local Apple store will teach you, that’s how. Apple offers one on one sessions and group workshops to customers.

There are other choices for all of the above technology: Android and Windows phones and tablets. A Roku is a device similar to the Apple TV. I chose all apple products for simplicity sake, I don’t want to learn an Android phone, a Windows PC, and a Roko TV; with my Apple products, the operating system is the same across devices. All apple devices will also connect to Windows machines with iTunes installed.

So make that move, adapt.

Mel Jones teaches and writes in Richmond Virginia. Mel’s publications include, a book of poetry, Between the Lines (2005), and essays in The William & Mary Gallery, Sherwood Forest, and online at Little Seal, r.k.vr.y., and Spaces. She maintains a sometimes snarky blog, Mel’s Madness, which is more Bombeck than Shakespeare. She has MAs in Rhetoric, and Literature from VCU, and an MFA from Antioch University, Los Angeles.